1. Being obese: the body, the weight and the gaze of others |
1.1. The “burden” and suffering of being obese |
“you cannot do what you want to do, you cannot move easily” (Isabelle). |
“it is mainly on the physical plane because, as I said, it unbalances everything, I feel very tired, this is mainly what irritates me, fatigue” (Marion). |
“Obesity seems really pathological […]. Heavy, negative, not having much character because it cannot resist temptations, weak, weak, very negative” (Anne). |
“I still have trouble pronouncing the word obese, because for me being obese actually represents a negative image” (Dominique). |
1.2. Body Experience in Obesity |
“I gained weight so fast that it’s a new body, I do not recognize my body when I look at it. I don’t recognize it and I don’t think I accept it […]”the body has grown so much that I won’t necessarily be able to get through there”(Marine). |
“It’s strange, I know I’m fat, but I don’t feel it everyday, especially when I see photos” (Marion). |
“It makes me a statue, it strengthens me [...] I think it’s really a kind of protection” (Lisa). |
1.3. Obesity as “visible defect”: the gaze of others |
“We all have a defect somewhere, mine is visible, my defect is seen. Most people have defects that you cannot see [...] my defect is visible” (Pierre). |
“It’s something that has weighed on me throughout my entire life, it’s been a daily suffering, the eyes of others, my own view of myself and, above all, the fact of being judged” (Louise).
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2. The Sense of Eating in the Hyperphagic Experience of Obesity |
2.1. Eating for... |
“Sometimes it is necessary to fill, as if there was a great emptiness in me and a need to fill it by eating” (Marine). |
“It fills me, it fills me in a moment and then I do not feel good [...]. It’s just to stuff me, fill me up” (Marion). |
“the act of eating gives rhythm to the day. It is one of the points of passing, it is a social point of passing” (Jacques). |
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2.2.“After, we feel guilty” |
“After, we feel guilty, we tell ourselves, if you get fat, it’s your fault” (Marine). |
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“And then, that guilt that also makes me see everything in a negative way. I say, “That’s it, I’m the worst of the worst, I’ve failed again, I’ve lost everything again, I’m worthless, I’m pitiful” (Louise). |
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“Everything goes wrong because I feel guilty, but, at the same time, it is the only antidote I have found, it is the other side of the coin” (Dominique). |
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2.3. Eating as an addiction |
“Once I lapse, I have to finish. It’s addictive” (Anne). |
“It’s the worst addiction… It’s terrible because we have to eat to live, we don’t have the possibility of leaving it alone” (Lisa). |
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“It’s a dependency, without a doubt [...]. You can control yourself for three days and then you can’t any more, there’s a more serious problem behind it” (Pierre). |
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3. The experience of loss of control with eating |
“I was completely out of control. Before, during, after... I was caught up by an irrepressible will to eat [...] all my thoughts were filled with what I’m going to eat” (Louise). |
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“This emotion is stronger, this desire to eat, I have the impression that it is stronger than anything and I have the impression that it is uncontrollable”. She identifies it as an action that is due to her problems and negative thoughts. She is moved, or even hypnotized, by an irresistible urge to eat, like a zombie: “I’m so deep into my thoughts that I walk like a zombie practically [...] I’m so focused on my thoughts that the body does it automatically” (Marine). |
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“During the act, in any way, I don’t feel that I can control myself by definition, I am not aware of it” (Jacques). |
4. Hunger and Satiety |
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“I was never hungry. I’ve always eaten before, never been hungry. And I was never satisfied [...] I just felt like it, but hunger, I don’t know what it is. And eating enough, I don’t know what it is”. She continues, “I have always been a mass, a carcass, a mass. At the same time, a carcass and a mass, but never hungry [...] a block with a hole in the middle, an emptiness” (Louise). |
“my problem is the desire to eat, firstly, I’m often not hungry. My desire to eat, if I could spend my life eating, I think I would” (Pierre). |
“I ask myself: is it a craving for food or am I really hungry?” (Marine). |
“I think I had, that I have a problem, because I just do not feel any more, I have difficulty feeling hunger, satisfaction”. He believes that any improvement means going through the process of relearning to eat: “It is necessary that I relearn to eat again, I relearn my sensations, and so on. That’s really my goal” (Jacques). |
5. The family and the act of eating |
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“It’s historic, because in my family, my father and mother had six children and have always loved family gatherings, table meetings, and when we go home they eat a lot [...] I think that we have, that there is a family relationship with food which is a little abnormal. It’s definitely an issue with my family” (Jacques). |
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“For me, it’s usually almost a celebratory moment. And even when I was young, eating was the time to meet with the family” [...] “In my home it is also a time to find myself face to face with myself. I come from a family where everyone is very sporty and very skinny. Ultimately, I feel that I no longer belong to my family” (Marine). |
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“In the family I’ve always been the ugly duckling, the one who’s not like the others [...] We were all around the table, the table was important to me because it was a way of getting together. When I went to Paris, I found myself alone” (Louise). |